Our province’s wish list from the new federal government

The CBC’s site has an article about the things that the provincial Liberal government will be wanting from their like-minded friends now moving into the good offices in Parliment [cbc]. However I think it’s important that we look at what the provincial government should really be asking for.

– federal tax relief on Ben Affleck’s hooker and booze bills: The Paycheck star has spent a lot of time in Vancouver both filming and getting away from first one Jennifer and then another. As a man of considerable errr… tastes… Affleck probably has a high bill for lesuire and high taxes too. In order to help the Vancouver film industry the provincial government should be asking to have Affleck’s, and other high profile Hollywood stars, hooker and coke tabs be GST free. Whether the stars want to spend it on hookers and coke, is up to them.

– a new name: the B.C. Liberal party needs to be rebranded the B.C. Conservative Party, since that’s what they really are. I don’t know what sort of smoke screen magic show they pulled off convincing voters that the Liberals in Ottawa and the Liberals in Victoria equalled each other but now that the Conservatives are in power federally the B.C. Liberals might want to drop the Crystal Pepsi act.

– a new name #2: British Columbia. Haven’t we broken ties with England yet? Shouldn’t we rename the province to something that suits us a bit better than some old notion of royal ties? Fantasy Gardens is taken, but how about Awesometopia? Or Washington State North? Or Trevor Linden?

– federal subsidies for the old and cranky population of the Okanagan: Seriously the entire area is filled with an extra-ordinary level of old and cranky people, more so even than Victoria. This is what gives the Conservatives their base of support in BC, and what keeps BC from ever winning the hippest province contest at the first minister’s meetings every year. The federal government should introduce soft-easy-to-chew food tax relief and force the CRTC to create a 24 hour Matlock channel.

– Skytrains to my front door: Where ever I move in Vancouver I’d like a Skytrain station right to my front door. Okay I’ll be reasonable, I’ll accept one a block away but no more. The provincial government should be asking for funding for this.

– Skytrain security: While I’m on the subject of the Skytrains have you noticed that there’s nobody guarding the Skytrains? Couldn’t a terrorist over power the driver and fly one of those things into a skyscrapper? We should have Canadian Army troops guarding them 24/7.

– kissing booths: How about we lower GST and open up federally run kissing booths to make up for the loss in federal funding. Some cute girls, some metrosexual boys and we’ve got a revenue source.

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