My good friend and fellow blogger, MaikoPunk, recently moved next door to Woodlands, BC’s first insane asylum, built in 1878.

MaikoPunk, despite my dire warnings, refutes my theories that the place is haunted. As everyone who’s read Ghost Stories of British Columbia knows, the cemetery’s tombstones were dispersed, some turned into stepping stones for a Burquitlam apartment complex later associated with poltergeist activity. MaikoPunk came across another instance of the tombstones contributing to the haunting of another Coquitlam house. Other tombstones became a barbecue patio. (There’s an oral history on the cemetery out there. It’ll take some detective work to unearth that.)

A few months ago, I met with Vancouver Paranormal as a supervisory representative of the Port Moody Station Museum for a nighttime ghost hunt of that museum. At the time, I asked if they had ever been to Woodlands. Vancouver Paranormal founder Jan told me no, that they always insist on getting permission, as they had done with my museum.

Now MaikoPunk has discovered groups of people that do sneak into these creepy abandoned places, barbed wire be damned. Infiltration, “the zine about going places where you’re not supposed to go,” is a little bit scary. Check out the photos.

Part of me is tempted to join, at least in fantasizing. I’ve broken into buildings before, during my misspent childhood. I am Romanian and even years in Canada haven’t made me a moral enough person to nod my head in agreement with the Infiltrator non-disclaimer:

Urban explorers strive to actually earn their experiences, by making discoveries that allow them to get in on the secret workings of cities and structures, and to appreciate fantastic, obscure spaces that might otherwise go completely neglected.

I think my visits to behind-the-scenes Venice and Florence (as well as my neighbour’s house when I was seven years old), made my life that much richer.

A larger part of me, however, is freaked out about the ghosts and maybe a little about the security guards. Haven’t these Infiltrator people seen Session 9? Or any other horror film? I have to agree with the Infiltrator who wrote, “Stop vandalizing and go back to watching Dora, that’s the only exploring you should be doing.” Hell, I couldn’t stomach the Haunted Vancouver Trolley Tour last fall or a daytime visit to Riverview during its annual Treefest.

There is of course the daylight hours Secrets of the City tours with the Vancouver Museum’s John Atkin. Nothing is as okeedokee with a big chicken like me as a group of disposable people surrounding me while I legally access forbidden locations. Yeah, zombies, you can try eating your way to the creamy filling, but I’ll be long gone while you chomp down on my former pals.

Sadly, it is the Vancouver Museum, so New West and other cities are still out of the question.