Vancouver’s worst handyman
That would be me.
I’ve been seeing these posters all around the city advertising this Canada’s Worst Handyman show. I don’t recall anyone contacting me.
I guess they’re looking for guys who claim to do this kind of work for a living. Still, I think my total shredding of some $150 Home Depot (I couldn’t do it, they couldn’t help) blinds on my first effort ought to at least put me in the running. I’ve also been known to leave my thumb a swollen, throbbing wreck after any effort at hammering nails into wood.
I blame my upbringing. Note to new parents everywhere: “Hold this, no, you’re not holding it right, aw crap, hold it even, why can’t you do anything, just watch me, you’re completely useless, just stand over there and don’t touch anything” is not a good way to instruct kids in the ways of building and fixing stuff.
I should be finishing therapy any day now.
I hate Home Depot. Can’t stand going there, having to find something, having to get it home. I don’t know if guys are supposed to be born with a love of screwdrivers, electrical wiring and lumber, but somewhere (perhaps in my y-chromosome) I ended up in the same boat as you did. It may be nature, it may be nurture; It doesn’t matter. All I know is, some girls are handy (like my wife), and some guys aren’t. That’s it, no apologies, and no shame.
Drucker, Narvey:
Shame! SHAME! Beg forgiveness for your unhandy natures!
I’m sorry. Really, really sorry.
As penance, I will attempt to replace the loose nut on the back of my closet door that I’ve been neglecting for six months. If you don’t hear from me in a few days, please notify the authorities.