With the Jim Pattison Group buying up Guinness World Records [ts] one has to wonder why Pattison wants to add that to the Ripley’s Believe It or Not franchise to his list of holdings. Does he just want to corner the market on freaks? Here are five possible reasons for his purchase.

5) The man with six foot long fingernails willing to work shifts less than four hours [mbv].

4) Jimmy wants to get his own score at Donkey Kong into the Guinness Book of World Records [wp] but can’t get past 673 points.

3) Pattison has a thing for Elaine Davidson the world’s most pierced woman [gbwr].

2) There is a theory that if one were to drink the blood of the world’s oldest man it would grant immortality. Guinness has that man’s home address.

1) It’s all part of the coverup of the assasination of Guinness Book of World Records founder Ross McWhirter [wp], the world thinks it’s was the Irish Republican Army but the truth will be buried along with Jim Pattison.