Archive for the ‘Vancouver 5’ Category

Vancouver Blogger Five: Blogs


What’s going on in the Vancouver blogosphere with the blogorati. What other words can we basterdize to mash the word blog into? Oh just wait. All the blogs are in our handy blogroll. Want to be in our blog roll? Be a Vancouver blog/blogger and let us know that you exsist. Also a link back here would be nice if we’re throwing one up for you, but having surfed through most of the blogs in our roll it appears that such blogeiquette isn’t quite the norm around these parts.

5) The Vancouver Manifesto wants to bring back the block party [vm]. The actual party on a block, not the band. When I lived in Westbank I was at a block party with Greg Adams for he was my neighbor. If we could make Greg Adams and other members of the ’94 Canucks go to block parties all around British Columbia then I’d be in favour of mandatory

4) Yo! What’s the haps? is 6% more evil this year than last year [ywth]. That’s a real statistic not a made up one. The proof will be when she makes George Clooney her boyfriend.

3) Darren Barefoot is enjoying the new LOL Tapirs craze thing [db], which he notes is getting pretty meta. Ah meta, how you haunted my university dreams and now taunt me like the old woman I never helped across the street even though she clearly needed the help.

2) I Ate The Lotus held a Cake Club meeting and they made cupcakes [iatl], which I’ll have you know were very good. I don’t just mention her because she’s my girlfriend, I mention her because she’s my girlfriend and she was very angry that I didn’t mention her the last time I did one of these things. It’s not being whipped, it’s being blog whipped.

1) My Dinner Table is moving to Ottawa [mdt], which means the city is losing a really good food blog. Damn Ottawa they take everything we love and give us nothing in return.

The Vancouver Five: Yoga

vancouver yoga

Originally uploaded by cindaelizabeth.

Five questions not to ask during your yoga class.

5) Who else didn’t drop the class after the first week just so that they can watch Janet’s backside when we do the Thrusting Rabbit?

4) Anyone else think that Gregory Possehl completely misread the Indus Valley Civilization’s seals?

3) Whose turn is it to sleep with the instructor after this week’s class?

2) Which of you are planning on protesting the 2010 Games, and could you please answer by speaking clearly into my Lululemon hoodie’s sleeve?

1) When do we get so zen that we can kill people with our minds?

The Vancouver Five: 2010 Opening Concert

Ron Sexsmith @ Cultural Olympiad Vancouver 2010

The pre-Olympic hype kicked off with a concert featuring Ron Sexsmith and Feist playing alongside the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra. Here are five random thoughts that popped into my head during the show.

5) My math might be off, but isn’t 2008 two years too early for the Olmypics?

4) Ben Mulroney hosting? What they couldn’t get Justin Trudeau? Are Ben’s writers on strike too, because he’s painfully unfunny?

3) Three songs from Ron Sexsmith, I thought he was supposed to be a co-headliner. Jesus, Jorane got more stage time.

2) I understand not getting press credentials, because we all know this internet thing is just a fad, but please if I’m taking a photo without disturbing anyone else and without a flash do we really need ushers converging on me like I just snuck outside food into a movie theatre.

1) Who taught Feist how to rock? And why doesn’t she do that on her albums?

Bonus) I really need to go see the VSO at some point. They’re quite good.

Vancouver Five: Ways to fix the Canucks

With the NHL trade deadline approaching 24 Hours asked what would you do as GM [tfh]. Don’t worry if that link doesn’t work, apparently permalinks are still a mystery to some people, because I have the five things the Canucks need to do to win the it all this season.

5) Move to WHL: Being relegated down a league is a what happens to crappy teams in European soccer (football) leagues, why not the NHL? I really think the Canucks stand a chance of beating the Kelowna Rockets this season.

4) Bring back Brian Burke: Down in Anaheim he’s proving that he knows how to build a winning hockey team almost as well as Emilio Estevez. Think about how successful he would in a city where the crowd didn’t spend the entire game on their BlackBerries blogging about the Yahoo/Google merger. Oh, wait…

3) New rule nobody sleeps with the starting goalie’s wife: This will include the goalie himself as well as anyone else on his team. Seriously we lose all of our best goalies that way.

2) Give Trevor Linden steroids: The Trevor Linden we had in 1994 would have won us a Cup by now. This one is old and slow. I’m sorry but while I love him like a father I’ve never met and who pays no child support, he’s just not the player he was. I’ve had to rule out time travel, so made a dangerous regime of body enhancing drugs might work. Couldn’t hurt… much.

1) Change uniforms again: If the team’s not going to be able to sell jerseys based on how they’re playing on ice at least they could screw their fans over a bit more by making us all buy new tops yet again.

The Vancouver Five: Overwaitea’s demands

save on foods

Originally uploaded by TheCoolLife..

With the Overwaitea Food Group, which also operates PriceSmart, Save-On-Foods and Urban Fare, demanding the ability to assign two hour shifts to its employees in the newest union contract [cbc], Metroblogging Vancouver discovered a few other things that the Jimmy Pattison-owned company is asking for.

5) Jim Pattison able to take any employee as a pool boy / happy ending masseuse.

4) New Save-On-Foods uniform includes bindle.

3) Employees to refer to high-end Urban Fare customers as “Your Highness”.

The period between an employee’s heart beats now considered part of their break.

1) Mandatory organ donor program to ensure management’s survival.

The Vancouver Five: Olympic Opening Ceremony ideas

A selection of Canada’s top artists met to begin planning the 2010 Olympic Opening Ceremonies and to kick off the Cultural Olympiad [vs]. Here are some of the ideas they came up with.

5) Entire opening ceremonies to be written in Hollywood, provided the strike ends, and funded with grants and tax breaks from the BC government. If the Loonie rises much higher against the US dollar there are plans to move the entire Opening Ceremonies to the Czech Republic which has promised better tax breaks and looser labour laws.

4) The CBC will be showing a two hour Royal Canadian Air Farce focused on the differences between Vancouver and the rest of Canada. The entire show will be filled only with jokes about pot and how we don’t have as much snow here as Toronto.

3) Vancouver gossip blogger Elaine “Lainey” Lui [leg] outs the entire city as gay. Yes even you. That NBC is showing the ceremonies during prime time means that your mother gets to know why she doesn’t have any grand-children.

2) Da Vinci’s Inquest: On Ice

1) “I don’t know, something with little kids of all races holding banners. Like Disney’s It’s A Small World ride, but with creepy live children instead of creepy robotic ones. Let’s say it symbolizes the history of BC, or our melting pot culture or possibly how popular The X-Files was when it was filmed here.”

The Vancouver Five: New blog reads


Originally uploaded by alex.dorand.

Looking for some good blog reads in Vancouver? Here’s five local sites you might not have thought to try.

5) Everybody Likes Sandwiches [els]: Billed as an “uncomplicated journal about food” this is the site for the foodie in all of us. Recipes are all over the place, and boy it almost makes restaurant junkie like me want to get out the pots and pans and cook. Almost, but hopefully one day I find a restaurant that serves all this good looking featured food, because I certainly aren’t going to be pulling out the dishes.

4) Yo! What’s the haps? [ywth]: Sarah is my girlfriend’s roommate, which might mean I’m biased or something because I’ve met her in the real world. She’s some kind of mad blog genius. Read this blog, do it now, and when she learns what Google ad sense is I’ll await my cut of her fame.

3) The Whitecaps Blogs [vwc]: Okay, I lied, these aren’t all going to be good. I have to admit that I don’t know who any of these bloggers are but could someone please email Simon Fudge and explain what a carriage return [wp] is. Or at least what the enter/return button on his keyboard does? Still if you’re looking for rarely updated blogs about the English Premier League I suppose it beats mine [av].

Also Whitecaps, what the heck, give me media accreditation. I’ve been paying to cover you for two years now, and have renewed my season tickets again this year. Least you could do is give me a photo pass so I don’t have to stash the camera where only a fully body search will find it.

2) Vancouver Coffee [vc]: Let’s face it we’re a city that’s basically only form of working out is serene bending (yoga) and the jitters that we get after our third cup of joe, so a blog all about coffee in this city is a natural. If you love that vaguely uneasy paranoid feeling you get from your sixth cup in an hour, you’ll love this blog.

1) The Vancouver 2010 Olympics, displacement and homelessness blog [tv2010odhb]: Worst blog name ever, and yet it alone made me pick it so maybe it’s some kind of blog name voodoo. Either way one would think that a single issue blog would run out of ideas pretty quickly, similar to how my Does Trevor Linden Have Tooth Decay Blog failed to make it past three posts and a Flickr essay, but yet thanks to the hard work of our mayor and the rest of the Vancouver Olympic Committee I get the feeling that this site will be going well past 2010.

Honestly it’s worth it just to see how angry you’ll get when you read the quote from VANOC Chair Jack Poole at the top of the right hand sidebar. Warning, you might punch your screen.

The Vancouver Five: Canadian snow

snow & the city

Originally uploaded by leilanifairweather.

We’ve got the snow, here are five more ways to feel a little more Canadian and a little less West Coast this week.

5) Drink Molson’s and loudly repeat all of its marketing slogans. Remember the one where Samatha Bee’s husband said all those things about Canada and then got tied up and put in a jet? That made us all feel better about drinking beer, right?

4) Find the real deep meanings inside Nickleback songs. I mean this is emotional shit, don’t you feel it? Also combine this with number five and enjoy some cold ones while driving [cjm]. This is how you remind me of something and something else…

3) Send Mayor Sullivan to Afghanistan to support the troops. I hear Kandahar could use some Eco-Density [ss].

2) Skip yoga and spend the day in a Tim Horton’s. Hmmm donuts, is there nothing they can’t do?

1) Put pants on. Really I don’t care what hip spot you’re going to in Yaletown, it’s too cold to be outside in a skirt that goes up to there even if you did shave your legs.

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